Chicago in the winter, where I do even begin. Chicago, I am
blaming you for most of my problems of late. Not writing regularly to the blog,
your fault. Eating too much, your fault. Exercising half-ass-ly, your fault.
Having a messy house, all you! So, in short, Chicago you are ruining my life!
I was planning on writing regularly with tips and/or ideas
to keep in mind on the journey to a healthier lifestyle, but I feel like I have
nothing but excuses lately (looking at you Chi-Town weather). This post unfortunately
will not have any tips because honestly, I feel like I have lost sight of my
path. Weather aside, I feel more lazy, sad, uninspired lately. Holidays are
always tough and I definitely have the tendency to look back on my year and
always feel failure. 2013 brought horrible events and actions, but it also
brought redemption. Unfortunately, in to 2014 I still feel like am I falling
short. I have not been exercising enough; I am not running very often and in
place of running I just lift 5 lbs. weights for a few minutes (and that cannot
possibly count for physical activity). I have been drinking a lot more and my
food intake has not decreased. I know it depression that is affecting me
lately, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I am having trouble with my
goals. There is a quote on the internet (apparently from Jenny Larson), “depression
lies” and it is the truth. However, what do you do about it? I am aware that most
of my thoughts about myself are exaggerated, but how do you get pass all the
negative thoughts and move forward? I get so suck on the “I am so fat, this isn’t
going to do anything, so what is the point” that I won’t go out to exercise or
see people. I have trouble pushing away those thoughts and then I start feeling
guilty for not doing the things I feel I should (like exercising). My partner
said you should acknowledge that you did wrong and move on to fixing the wrong,
but I get so stuck on feeling guilty, ashamed, and sad because I did wrong in
the first place. How do you stop succumbing to excuses? How do you fight when
you are not a fighter? Why do thoughts leave me completely helpless? I wish I
had the answers. Even now I find it hard to get pass missing my morning run and
feeling like the cycle of inactivity has started. I am unable to be proud that
I have not grubhub for food, that I have been cooking all my meals, that I have
not ordered take out, I have not signed up for credit cards, and I have been
spending within my budget (I have not been able to save, but I am not in the
negative). It has been 2 months and while that is not a long amount of time I
am still keeping those goals. Why is exercising and eating less such a huge
problem? I found a recent post on The Bloggess that hit on the paralyzing nature
of depression but I still have no answers (I highly recommend reading it
though, http://thebloggess.com/2014/01/strange-and-beautiful/#comments). One
commenter mentioned having “Bad Day Emergency Kit”, which sounds like a great
idea and one that I need to have. So if anyone is reading, what is your Bad Day
Emergency Kit? How do you get out of the funk?
